The Friendship Gap: How to Build a Community in Adulthood
Are You Struggling to Bridge the Friendship Gap?
As children, making friends often comes naturally. Shared classrooms, playdates, and extracurricular activities create a solid foundation for connection. But as we move into adulthood, the landscape shifts. Careers, family responsibilities, and personal goals dominate our time, and the opportunities for organic friendships diminish. This gap between the relationships we have and the ones we need is often called “the friendship gap.”
Understanding the Friendship Gap
The friendship gap isn’t just about loneliness; it’s about the disconnection many adults feel when their relationships lack depth or regular interaction. While acquaintances and colleagues are common, true friendships—those built on trust, support, and shared experiences—can feel scarce.
Factors like moving cities, career changes, parenthood, or simply growing apart from old friends contribute to this gap. Recognising it is the first step toward creating the connections you desire.
The good news? With intention and effort, it’s possible to bridge this gap and cultivate meaningful community in adulthood. Below we are going to discuss some practical ways to cultivate you can cultivate meaningful friendships.
Some Practical Tips and Suggestions to Build Your Community:
1. Adjust Your Mindset
Building community as an adult requires a mindset shift. Instead of waiting for friendships to happen, embrace the idea that connection is something you can cultivate.
Be proactive: Opportunities for friendships rarely fall into your lap (Sorry to all of my introverted readers, I feel your pain). Seek them out.
Release perfectionism: Friendships aren’t about finding the “perfect” people—they’re about mutual respect and shared values.
Be open to new people: Everyone brings something unique to a relationship. Stay curious.
2. Create Opportunities for Connection
To bridge the friendship gap, put yourself in environments where connection can thrive:
Join interest-based groups: Whether it’s a fitness class, book club, or hobby group, shared interests create a natural foundation for friendship.
Volunteer: Contributing to a cause you care about fosters connections with like-minded individuals.
Engage in community events: Festivals, workshops, and local meetups provide opportunities to meet new people in a relaxed setting.
Another tip: Try and align your opportunity for connection with something you value. This can help you find others with interests or values similar to your own. For example: If you love fitness, gym classes or team sports might be a great place to start.
3. Reconnect with Old Friends
Sometimes, the relationships we’re looking for already exist. Reaching out to old friends or acquaintances can reignite meaningful connections. A simple message like, “I was thinking of you—how have you been?” can be the start of rekindling a relationship.
4. Build Depth Gradually
Authentic friendships aren’t instant; they grow over time. Be patient as you build trust and connection. Here are a few ways to deepen relationships:
Be present: Show genuine interest in others by actively listening and engaging in conversations.
Share openly: Vulnerability fosters connection. Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences to create a space for mutual trust.
Be consistent: Friendships require regular interaction. Whether it’s a weekly catch-up or a spontaneous coffee, consistency matters.
5. Embrace Vulnerability
Admitting you want deeper friendships or a stronger community can feel intimidating, but it’s also liberating. Be honest with yourself and others about your desire for connection. Vulnerability encourages others to reciprocate and builds stronger, more authentic bonds.
6. Invest in Your Community
Community isn’t just about individual friendships—it’s about creating a network of support and belonging. You can foster community by:
Hosting gatherings: Create opportunities for others to connect by hosting a dinner, game night, or casual get-together.
Connecting people: Introduce friends or acquaintances who might enjoy knowing each other.
Participating actively: Attend events, contribute your skills, and show up consistently in shared spaces.
7. Manage Your Expectations
Not every encounter will lead to deep friendship, and that’s okay. Some connections will remain casual, while others may grow into something more meaningful. Accepting this reality helps you focus on nurturing the relationships that truly matter.
8. Seek Professional Support If Needed
Okay hear me out on this one, I know some of you may be thinking “There must be something wrong with me if I need professional help to make friends” and while it can feel that way, it isn’t true. Making connections can be daunting and at times, tricky. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you, it might mean that you need some support or strategies to help meet your goals.
As a counsellor, I’ve worked with many clients who feel stuck in building relationships. Together, we explore barriers to connection, address underlying fears, and develop strategies for building meaningful community.
Final Thoughts
The friendship gap in adulthood is real, but bridging the gap doesn’t have to be impossible. By embracing intentionality, fostering vulnerability, and investing in opportunities to connect, you can build the community you crave. Remember, friendships take time and effort, but the rewards—a sense of belonging, support, and joy—are well worth it.
If you’re navigating challenges in building community or need support in deepening your relationships, we are here to help. Feel free to reach out to us to learn more about how counselling can guide you toward meaningful connection and a thriving social life.