Holding ‘Us’ Close: Simple Rituals to Stay Connected After Baby
A Life Changing Experience: The Good and the Unexpected
Welcoming a baby into your family is a life-changing experience. While it brings immense joy, it also comes with challenges that can strain even the strongest of relationships. Between sleepless nights, constant feedings and adjusting to your new roles, it’s easy for your connection as a couple to take a back seat.
I can vividly remember a conversation I had with my Husband Jonathan one night. For context, I was about 38 weeks pregnant, feeling very uncomfortable and had a complicated pregnancy experience. We were talking about all of the things that has gone right and wrong in our pregnancy journey and what we were grateful for. Of all the things we had listed we strongly agreed on one thing we were grateful for, our relationship.
A few weeks later our beautiful son Billy was born. We were filled with so much joy, baby cuddles, cooing sounds that could melt your heart and just pure love for this little person. Another thing that was true? After a few weeks, our relationship was feeling the pressure.
The constant demands for feedings, nappy changes and sleepless nights left little room for much else. Our conversations revolved around troubleshooting the many needs and cries of our new bub. When we weren’t talking about the baby, it felt like we were ships in the night. One of us would have the baby while the other would try to just meet basic human needs like eating and showering. Not to mention navigating recovery after having the little nugget, or for Jonathan returning to work whilst still trying to get the hang of parenthood.
All of these things made connecting with one another feel like mission impossible. It felt like our relationship had changed and honestly? it surprised us. It wasn’t one of the many things people mentioned that can happen after having a baby, or maybe not to us anyway. We really valued our time together and we weren’t sure how to make time to connect in the midst of juggling everything else.
While we knew this was just for a season and wouldn't last forever, we were determined to try and find ways to feel more connected. Our relationship was something we valued and we wanted to find ways to nurture it however small. That’s when we discovered something called “Rituals for Connection”. This tool helped us to find realistic and manageable ways we could connect as a couple in the midst of a very demanding transition.
My hope in sharing this with you is that these intentional, meaningful actions can help you nurture your relationship whilst navigating the transition into parenthood.
What Are Rituals for Connection?
Rituals for connection are simple, consistent practices that help couples stay emotionally close. They are intentional moments of togetherness that reinforce your bond, even when life feels overwhelming.
For new parents, these rituals can serve as anchors during a time of constant change, reminding you both that your relationship matters. They provide opportunities to express love, gratitude, and support, helping you grow stronger as a team.
Why Are Rituals for Connection Important After Baby?
After a baby arrives, it’s common for couples to feel more distant. Between the exhaustion of caring for a newborn and the shift in focus toward your child, your romantic relationship can feel neglected. This is where rituals for connection come in.
Benefits of Rituals for New Parents:
Strengthen your partnership: They remind you that you’re in this together and help you feel supported.
Improve communication: Rituals provide a space to share feelings, thoughts, and concerns.
Reduce stress: Taking intentional moments to connect can help ease the emotional and physical challenges of parenthood.
Foster intimacy: Even small gestures of affection can keep the spark alive in your relationship.
Simple Rituals for Connection Based on the 5 Love Languages
The concept of love languages can be a powerful way to understand how you and your partner like to give and receive love. By tailoring your rituals for connection to your’s and your partner’s love language, you can make each gesture feel even more meaningful and personal.
Here are simple, practical rituals for each love language to help you stay close during this season of life:
1. Words of Affirmation
For those who feel loved through kind words, hearing encouragement and appreciation can make a huge difference.
Ritual Ideas:
Morning or Notes: Leave a short, handwritten note of encouragement or gratitude for your partner to find in the morning.
Daily Check-In: Share one thing you love or appreciate about your partner at the end of each day. Or send in a text message throughout the day.
Verbal Praise: Take a moment to acknowledge something you love or appreciate about your partner, like saying, “You’re such an amazing parent,” or “I love your sense of humour and how you make me laugh.”
2. Quality Time
For someone who values undivided attention, even small pockets of intentional time together can help strengthen your bond.
Ritual Ideas:
10-Minute Couch Talks: Sit together when the baby is asleep and chat about your day or dreams for the future.
Weekend Walks: Go for a family walk with the stroller, focusing on being present with each other.
Evening Wind-Down Ritual: Spend 15 minutes before bed engaging in a calm activity together, like sipping tea, listening to relaxing music, or reflecting on a positive moment from the day.
3. Acts of Service
This love language thrives on thoughtful gestures and practical help, showing your love through action.
Ritual Ideas:
Small Surprises: Take care of a chore your partner usually handles, like doing the dishes or prepping the baby’s bottles.
Care Kits: Prepare a “rest kit” for your partner with snacks, a cosy blanket, or a favourite drink for moments when they need a break.
Making your partner a coffee: Make your partner a coffee or warm beverage and bring it to them in bed or on the couch.
4. Physical Touch
For those who value touch, small physical gestures can be incredibly grounding and reassuring.
Ritual Ideas:
Morning Hugs: Start the day with a warm hug or a quick cuddle before diving into parenting tasks.
Hand Holding: Hold hands while watching TV or during a quiet moment together.
Comfort Touches: Give a gentle back rub or shoulder massage in a moment of downtime together. If they are doing tasks, you can place a hand on the back or shoulder briefly while walking past your partner.
5. Receiving Gifts
Gifts don’t have to be extravagant; it’s the thought and intention behind the gesture that counts.
Ritual Ideas:
Token Gifts: Surprise your partner with a small treat, like their favourite chocolate or a cute photo of the baby in a frame.
The Gift of Laughter: While it doesn't involve a physical item, taking a photo of something you think would make them laugh or sending them a meme can align with the essence of this love language. It’s a thoughtful and intentional gesture that shows you were thinking of them.
Flower Fridays: Make it a ritual to bring home flowers or a symbolic gift once a week or month.
Adapting Your Rituals as Your Baby Grows
As your baby grows and your routines evolve, so can your rituals. The key is to keep them flexible and meaningful. Be open to trying new things and adjusting old rituals to fit your family’s needs.
For example, as your child begins sleeping through the night, you might graduate from quick bedtime check-ins to longer evening conversations. As they reach toddlerhood, you can involve them in family rituals that bring joy to all of you.
Final Thoughts
Having a baby is one of the most transformative experiences in a couple’s life, but it doesn’t have to mean losing your connection. By creating simple, intentional rituals for connection, you can strengthen your bond, navigate challenges together, and model a loving relationship for your child.
Start small, stay consistent, and remember that even the tiniest moments of connection can make a big difference. You’re not just nurturing your relationship—you’re laying the foundation for a strong, united family.